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All Women Do at Least 26/30 of These Things

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How to apply mascara:
Pull wand from tube
Open your eyes like a haunted doll coming to life


That’s a necessary step. It won’t work unless you do it.


girls be like “can you get my lip gloss from my purse? just reach in & head left, take a right at the wallet then turn left til you pass 3 nutrigrain bars & take your next right then head straight & it should be there. if you’ve hit the 2007 target receipts you’ve gone too far”

Most women you meet have an encyclopedic knowledge of everything located inside their (many) bags.

And the list is long.


Me: I’m a smart and intelligent woman.

Also me: Righty-tighty, lefty loosey.

I also say “Wed-nes-day” and “Feb-RU-ary” to myself every single time I have to spell those words.


It’s crazy how when I was a teenager I was so intimidated by other teenagers but now that I’m older and wiser I’m like whaaaat why am I still so intimidated by teenagers

Hey, teens are intimidating.

It doesn’t matter how old you are.


Nobody wants to believe in astrology until they have a crush on someone

This is really the perfect arrangement. Just believe in it when it’s convenient.

As soon as it’s no longer convenient, dismiss it as baloney.

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