Consent is usually a subject primarily discussed with people that identify as women, likely thanks to the mistaken belief that a) only women are sexually assaulted or harassed and b) it’s primarily the potential victims’ responsibility to find out about and stop sexual misconduct. But since both this stuff are false, sex education for men, is simply as important. While we’re still in dire need of more resources for those that identify as men looking to practice good consent, writer and sex educator Inti Chavez It includes a good range of things young men should realize sex and relationships, including the way to practice consent.
“Consent is an inseparable a part of good sex,” Chavez Perez tells Bustle. “Unfortunately, our culture downplays consent through its representations of sex. Millennia of gender inequality in our society have shaped our views, and as a result, sex is usually portrayed as an influence struggle. I teach guys a special perspective on sex: good sex is all about communication. i think we’d like a shift in our views on sexuality during this direction, because it’ll make everyone’s’ sex lives better and it’ll diminish the quantity of sexual violence committed by men.”
Here are some key lessons from the book which will help men (and everyone) better respect others’ boundaries also as their own.
1. Pressuring Is Assault
Unfortunately, many men learn that it’s a badge of honor to be ready to “get” someone to possess sex with you. But if someone’s having sex with you because you either verbally or physically communicated that you simply wouldn’t take “no” for a solution , that’s assault. As an example, Chavez Perez describes one man who would put his hand on a woman’s thigh then put it back after she moved it away.
This isn’t just something men do, however — men who are verbally coerced into sex by someone should recognize that they’ve been assaulted also .
2. It’s OK to not Want Sex
“According to the male role , guys are alleged to always be horny, and lots of guys therefore pretend that they might roll in the hay anyone just to urge some sex,” Chavez Perez writes in his book. “But guys have feelings, thoughts, and tastes a bit like girls. Sometimes you’re tired, sad, or angry then you don’t feel horny. Sometimes you think that it might be more interesting to speak and obtain to understand one another rather than having sex. Not everyone gets you aroused, and not all kinds of sex is tempting.” So, men should be happy to show down sex if they’re not interested, and their partners should respect that.